#HonestyHour. When I’m texting with one of my friends, we use this hashtag in our text messages. It lets us know, “This is serious, I’m being vulnerable right now so please no emojis,”
So welcome to #honestyhour, lets jump right in.
I have this irrational fear of being forgotten. In fact my subconscious sneaks out statements during normal conversations like “Don’t forget about me”. Sure it sounds like I am joking around, but in reality I mean it.
Don’t forget about me.
Why is it I don’t want to be forgotten?
Is it because I’m so narcissistic, that I think the whole world revolves around me?
Is it because I secretly seek the praise of others?
Is it simply because I’m just afraid, and fear I’m going to be replaced?
Since this is #honestyhour, let me answer honestly.
It’s probably a little bit of all three.
There are still parts of my day where I think IT IS all about me. It’s about my skills. It’s about my plans. If I don’t get a laugh when I tell a joke or if someone doesn’t text me back within 5 seconds I’m devastated. Those aren’t the true reasons why I don’t want to be forgotten, just petty character flaws. However, the fear of being replaced hits the nail right on the head. It is the truest form of fear I have.
There is a song by the band ‘the Neighbourhood’, that goes simply like this
“When I wake up I’m afraid, somebody else might take my place”
That one statement is my ultimate nightmare. To wake up and know that the world simply goes on, whether I choose to make the most out of every moment or not is simply frightening. The world doesn’t wait for me or for you. The world is unforgiving with it’s time. The world calls us back to the dirt in which we came from.
I think this is one of the underlining forces on why I hustle so much. Not that my identity is in my product, but simply because if I’m not moving I’m standing still. If I’m standing still, life is passing me by. If life is passing me by, I’m no longer a living human being. I’m just a being.
For a moment lets forget about the work side of things and talk about the relational aspects. Those song lyrics echo like a ghost haunting the attics of my mind. Could someone take my place, when it comes to my friendships? Can the person I call lover, forget about my love? Could the people that I cherish the most, journey on while leaving me in their dust?
The answer is yes.
This isn’t to damper anyone’s spirits or to say “Woe is me”. It’s simply bringing to light the fragility of our lives and our relationships. If we don’t recognize our fears, than how can we ever confront them? If we don’t cherish every moment that God has given us, than how can we truly live?
That concludes #honestyhour. Did it get too deep? Too much information?
Should I be committed to a mental ward? I would love to hear your voice in this. Sound off below.