17 Stupid Things I’ve Heard Christians Say


I was having yogurt the other night, when I over heard a conversation of some women at a nearby table. They were talking about relationship problems, when one of the women preceded to say how much she’s really relying on her faith right now. She told the woman that the man she’s been talking to wasn’t texting her. That’s when she made this statement. 

“I just know God MADE him not text me”


Wait, what? God MADE him not text you? Did God literally come down and smack the phone out of his hand when he pulled out iMessage? Why is God so dead set on making sure this man doesn’t text her?


Then it got me thinking about other stupid things that Christians say. So I compiled a list of stupid things I’ve heard Christians say. As a disclaimer, I’m not exempt from saying stupid things, I just like making fun of other people’s stupid statements.
1. “I just want to be equally yoked. Is that too much to ask for?”


2. ”You are a princess of the King and princesses don’t use words like that.”


3. “Have you sought counsel about that heart issue?”


4. “God is like huge, you know? He’s everywhere…I mean everywhere”


5. ”I’m dating God right now”


6. “Barack Obama is not my president. Jesus is”


7. ”Only God, can judge me”


8. ”I just wished that sermon had more meat to it”


9 ”He’s really back slid. That’s why he’s getting evicted” 


10. “Where are the worship flags?”


11. “God is my only drug. I get high all the time with Him”


12.”Creed isn’t a Christian band! It’s a band of Christians”


13. “You must not be praying hard enough”


14. “Say a prayer, we’re going to the gun range”


15. “How’s your heart?”


16. “We’re not dating…we’re just courting”


17. “It’s about to get ghostly, up in here”


So that’s about it. What are some lines that you’ve heard?


Big thanks to some of my friends who told me some of their lines!

Author Chris

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